Apparently because I don't celebrate holidays I have turned invisible and have no feelings.
I'm pretty sure my family resents me for my religion. Why can't I be looked at like a strong, independent woman, who can make decisions for herself. Why am I judged for being different? Why did my dad call my husband and not me? Why did my dad HAVE to tell me he was going to my cousins house for dinner? Why am I alone? Why did my husband go to his Mom's, only to be unhappy?
Can anybody give me an answer?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Patho Test
Today I took a Patho test.
Before the test I was so nervous. I said, "How is everyone doing so well? I feel like I am floating". Callie took the test and got 92. WOW! I was so nervous for her because for last few days she had been listening to me and that never happens, she ALWAYS teaches me.
I went and took the test after a NOT so comfortable with my husband and ROCKED it!
90...WHOA. It was funny cause I covered my eyes, like "I don't want to see" But then whoa. I DID IT. Oh My Gosh.
I texted my friend and she was happy too
Hubby picked me up and he was so mad at me.
I was studying with this guy Chris, and my husband went off the deep end. I feel horrible that my actions caused him grief and heartache. What was I thinking? It won't happen again. I'm so sorry baby.And let me clarify, nothing happened but study.
Being married is hard. and more, is raising 5 kids.
I got school, work, I am married and I have kids. Who else can do this?
I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend and honestly I was relieved. They were talking about kids, and marriage. but all I could think about, (while I was supporting her being happy) is don't let anything interfere with school.
I got pregnant at 18, had my son at 19. 6 months later I was pregnant with my second child. This didn't mean school was in it for me. I had three jobs. And I was on welfare. I didn't have a man supporting their kids or helping me with diapers and formula. Thank goodness my grandma watched the kids while I worked. But on the days I didn't have childcare, I took them to work. Let me tell you, your boss kinda frowns on bring your kids to work day.
My point is, sometimes we HAVE to put ourselves first. I'm putting myself first by studying every chance I get and working when I can. When a boy says you will be unhappy for two years because your pursuing your dream, he has his head so far up his ass that he forgot what it's like to truly want someone to be happy.
Being a nurse for me is all I've wanted. When I gave birth to my first child, I remember thinking I want to be a nurse, because if not, then I will be having a bunch of kids. Turns out I STILL have a bunch of kids but I still want to be a nurse.
No one will be in the way of my dream!!!!!!
Before the test I was so nervous. I said, "How is everyone doing so well? I feel like I am floating". Callie took the test and got 92. WOW! I was so nervous for her because for last few days she had been listening to me and that never happens, she ALWAYS teaches me.
I went and took the test after a NOT so comfortable with my husband and ROCKED it!
90...WHOA. It was funny cause I covered my eyes, like "I don't want to see" But then whoa. I DID IT. Oh My Gosh.
I texted my friend and she was happy too
Hubby picked me up and he was so mad at me.
I was studying with this guy Chris, and my husband went off the deep end. I feel horrible that my actions caused him grief and heartache. What was I thinking? It won't happen again. I'm so sorry baby.And let me clarify, nothing happened but study.
Being married is hard. and more, is raising 5 kids.
I got school, work, I am married and I have kids. Who else can do this?
I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend and honestly I was relieved. They were talking about kids, and marriage. but all I could think about, (while I was supporting her being happy) is don't let anything interfere with school.
I got pregnant at 18, had my son at 19. 6 months later I was pregnant with my second child. This didn't mean school was in it for me. I had three jobs. And I was on welfare. I didn't have a man supporting their kids or helping me with diapers and formula. Thank goodness my grandma watched the kids while I worked. But on the days I didn't have childcare, I took them to work. Let me tell you, your boss kinda frowns on bring your kids to work day.
My point is, sometimes we HAVE to put ourselves first. I'm putting myself first by studying every chance I get and working when I can. When a boy says you will be unhappy for two years because your pursuing your dream, he has his head so far up his ass that he forgot what it's like to truly want someone to be happy.
Being a nurse for me is all I've wanted. When I gave birth to my first child, I remember thinking I want to be a nurse, because if not, then I will be having a bunch of kids. Turns out I STILL have a bunch of kids but I still want to be a nurse.
No one will be in the way of my dream!!!!!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Age
I work at an Assisted Living place in Ogden. One of my friends recommended I apply there. She raved how much she loved the people who work there and the residents.
Getting a job wasn't easy, I called and called for two months before another supervisor eventually noticed me but only because my friend dropped my name. I was basically hired because of her, which I am soo thankful.
Working here has been a blessing. I have realized many things about myself, for instance; being a nurse is definitely for me. And all my hard work is paying off. Yes, I have also realized that like at every job there is drama. Drama with co-workers, management, etc.
Within 6 weeks of employment I was promoted to a Team Leader position; in which after two months, I lost due to med-errors. This for me is humiliating. My head manager said he really wanted me in that team leader position (knife to the heart). I felt stupid, embarrassed, like a child standing in timeout, why wasn't I more careful. Did I take this for granted? Was I puffed up with pride?
Well whatever the reason, I fell down, and when I stand up, I WILL stand TALLER!
I WANT my position back.
Getting a job wasn't easy, I called and called for two months before another supervisor eventually noticed me but only because my friend dropped my name. I was basically hired because of her, which I am soo thankful.
Working here has been a blessing. I have realized many things about myself, for instance; being a nurse is definitely for me. And all my hard work is paying off. Yes, I have also realized that like at every job there is drama. Drama with co-workers, management, etc.
Within 6 weeks of employment I was promoted to a Team Leader position; in which after two months, I lost due to med-errors. This for me is humiliating. My head manager said he really wanted me in that team leader position (knife to the heart). I felt stupid, embarrassed, like a child standing in timeout, why wasn't I more careful. Did I take this for granted? Was I puffed up with pride?
Well whatever the reason, I fell down, and when I stand up, I WILL stand TALLER!
I WANT my position back.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
O.M.G.
Today my girlfriend and I went to talk to uor professor and he was totally making me blush. He said that in Sunday he is having a study group with some other students where he just basically quizes us on the information. My friend thinks I do better when she asks me questions and he thought of me. I was totally blushing because HELL YEAH I want to go. Sudy time with the guy who knows it all.
Just one problem, my Anniversary is Sunday. How can I go, But how can I not go?
Just one problem, my Anniversary is Sunday. How can I go, But how can I not go?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Anxiety?
How many years have I tried to convince myself that I don't need help with my anxiety? OMG...who the heck knows. I try so hard to keep it all together and no matter what I have still ended up in an office getting some meds. What does this mean?
Am I a person who can't hold it together, have I failed? If someone was going though what I am would I being saying anything but It's okay and it doesn't mean squat.
It is hard always caring about what others think.
Guess what? It will NEVER change!
Am I a person who can't hold it together, have I failed? If someone was going though what I am would I being saying anything but It's okay and it doesn't mean squat.
It is hard always caring about what others think.
Guess what? It will NEVER change!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Test, Test, Test!
So, yesterday I spent my day at the testing center studying untill I couldn't take it anymore. I felt nervous and at a loss for time.
I did horrible. I didn't even pass. I look like a dumbass to my peers. I feel like a moron. Why can't I EVER do as well as my friends? When do I get to walk out and tell my friends I did it, I did as good as you. :(
Maybe NEVER!
One thing I do know is I'm damn good with my residents...I may not test well but my residents trust me and want me to help them when I'm there. I wish I was living my dream, I want to be a nurse so bad!!!!
I did horrible. I didn't even pass. I look like a dumbass to my peers. I feel like a moron. Why can't I EVER do as well as my friends? When do I get to walk out and tell my friends I did it, I did as good as you. :(
Maybe NEVER!
One thing I do know is I'm damn good with my residents...I may not test well but my residents trust me and want me to help them when I'm there. I wish I was living my dream, I want to be a nurse so bad!!!!
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