Nurse vs. Patient

I don't know where to start...My last post was last Sept. I put my soul out there and talked about my first hospital stay.So much has happened since then. February 11, 2015 I was still on the pump that delivered my medicine subcutaneously...The pain I experience was horrid. Panic attacks occurred every time I had to do a site change. And forget it if the site was hitting a nerve. I had to change it again and the panic set in all over again. Well that is what happened when I did this site change. I couldn't take it. I told Dea to call Dr. Ivestor and get me in. I had a complete emotional and physical breakdown. Dr. Ivestor was so compassionate. I was a direct admit into the ICU for a right heart cath to see where we were as far as the pressure in my heart. The results were awesome. My pressure was low. We then decided to do away with the subq administration and have a Hickman place, a central line. This was hopefully gonna get rid of the horrid pain and panic attacks. YAY. I was in the hospital for a week. UGH. Let me tell you, it was definitely different being a nurse this time. I knew what the job entailed and knew when the job wasn't being done correctly. When I was in the ICU I had the best night nurse! Her name was Kelli, I had her 3 nights in a row and man was I thankful. The day nurses I had made me feel terrible. So here I am with a Swan in my neck, and I was taking lasix...um no I'm not going to the bathroom on a bedpan, please just unplug all theses wires. One nurse made me feel like I totally put her out to help me up. Made me feel guilty too. I learned I am allergic to Vancomycin. I ended getting Red Man Syndrome, and had the worst abdominal cramps like I was literally have a baby. I was crying, panting, and for the first time rated my pain a 10/10. I then went to the floor. First thing I did was take a much needed shower. They hooked me up to tele. ok all is good. Until a cna comes in my room, no introduction, sticks her hand down my gown, and I was like.... WAIT.. Who are you and what the hell are you doing? "Oh I'm changing your tele leads". K please never come back. Next thing is I was in a ton of pain from the Hickman being placed, I took a pain pill every 4 hours and had an ice pack on. No nurse ever did a pain re-assessment.The only person who DID do a pain re-assessment was a nurse in the Residency program, I was so proud of her.nOne cna I asked to keep my ice pack refilled, but I probably wouldn't call out... Yea I never saw her again or had my ice pack refilled. When I was discharged I was running out of there. This is the hospital that I most trust, yet it was a terrible stay. I know sometimes I come home not feeling like I was the best nurse I could've been. This makes me do better the next time. I hate being a patient. I never saw my life ending up like this. I wish I had more to give. I am so very thankful for this life and blessed. I can't believe I am a nurse and I get to change lives, maybe inspire, maybe teach too. I hope I get to do it for a long time