Nursing School Blues

You know that girl that sits in class and she is smart,and cute, and funny, and everything just seems easy to her? Well I want desperately to be her. I feel like absolute crap after today's test. I have lost my mojo. I have lost my ability to reason, to have perspective. I've lost what I know. I feel incompetent, unworthy, jealous. I should have nailed this test today, I studied every chance I got but NOO, not me. I need a pep talk, some reassuring words from those around me that know me and know why I should be a nurse. Is anyone out there...Any one?

Clinical's

This past week I had my VERY first ever clinical expierence. I went to Lakeview Hospital in Bountiful. Not too horrible of a drive, in fact the mornig is quite peaceful. The drive home...Not so much. My first day of clinicals wasn't the best. My nurse barely spoke to me. I felt so out of place and lost. I felt like an intrusion. I felt..terrible. That was my morning. In the afternoon I got to go watch a Tunnel Dialysis Catheter Placement. Much more interesting, AND the nurses spoke to me trying to teach what and why they were doing things. One nurse asked me to "Spike the Bag", which of coarse I'm not able to do because I have no IV training, but I thought that was pretty neat.. ha ha spike the bag. I'm learning cool little lingo. Ya know, real nursing stuff. ha ha. The next day I was sent to Same Day Surgery. I went through the entire day with one patient through admitting, surgery, PACU, and discharge. No it wasn't the most exciting procedure, but for the patient having a breast biopsy it was. I kept in mind my patient and her care, weather it was a not so cool procedure or an evasive procedure, it did not matter. What mattered was my patient. Every nurse walked and talked me through each step. PACU was the most interesting for me because it was the nurse doing everything she could to get MY patient's pain to a tolorable level for her. Comfort. Care. Concern. I will be forever changed now that I am in nursing school. Who wouldn't be. But I get teary eyed because I am finally here. Yes let's not fool ourselves, it is so hard and I haven't found what works for me as far as studying goes but I'm not alone either. All I can do is my best, yes sometimes I can even improve that, but at least I'm trying.

Self doubt SUCKS!

So here we are at the end of the second week of nursing school, the second week people. I have expierenced an influx of emption. I kinda hate it. Dea left 3 days into school starting and for the most part it hasn't been too bad. Well ok besides the kids running around screaming and fighting while I'm trying to take at home test. The kids are doing their best to help me with each other and taking on more responsibility while I check out and study. But OMG, my house is sooo gross. I have to tell myself that it will probably come to the point when I will have to sacrifice a shower so I may have to sacrifice the house up keep. GROSS. I've been finishing working the weekend shifts, boy am I tired. I have worked the last two weekends friday and saturaday nights. Sunday I feel mushy and drained, no will power to study. This week is clinicals. CLINICALS. Callie has talked of clinicals for two years now I get to. Friday I had a breakdown and actually spoke the words "I can't do ths." I have never said that. If you know me or read my blog, you know I have always said that I will be a nurse! Saturday a friend of mine came to me and said she was jealous I was in. At that moment I started getting teary eyed and remember what it was like to feel that way, and say that to EVERY other person in before me. So I'm gonna suck it up. NO MORE COMPLAINING. I have been through much worse and getting through nursing will not be the thing that breaks me. Screw that!! So Attention all haters... I am not going anywhere!!