Pregnancy Fever

Anyone who truely knows me, knows I sometimes get the fever...Pregnancy fever.

And I have it again.

Now listen, before you go thinking something mean, my dog is pregnant, my boss is pregnant, and two of my close friends are pregnant, and one person from work just had a baby this past Friday, a girl. Her name is Sophia.

I feel left out, anxious, jealous, I feel that I am missing out on the joy of it. I hate being envious of others...ugh.

My hubby had his tubes tied 5 years ago, so there is no chance. and really my life is not set up for an infant. My mother in law has always said she saw us with 6 kids, but hell I never even saw myself with 5 kids.
When I was 19 and had Jeff I knew I was screwed. I knew that being pregnant waa going to be an inner battle of mine, I knew if I didn't work in Labor and Delivery that I would have more kids than I knew what to do with...But I still love it.

I'm tired og being made fun of because I make friends with every pregnant person I know. The joy I experience in the delivery room is as exciting for me as it is for the parents...and face it people, I'm damn good at being a labor coach, I know a lot too.

I've thought about being a doula but I needed more, hence being a nurse. I need to be in a hospital, I need to help moms bring healthy babies in this world.

I wish Dea would grant me the wish to be a surragate for just one couple. It's not about the money, I have always wanted to do that for somebody. I have a friend who didn't conceive for years, adopted 6 kids. Then one day her and her husband decided to give it a go. She tried insemination 3 times. She got pregnant all 3 times.
The first time she miscarried.
Second time, the baby was born at 21 weeks and 6 days gestation.. Her name is Isabel Susan, she weighed 13 oz. and was 9 3/4 inches long. She had beautiful black hair like her mama, She cried, pooped, slept, showed her criver lip, and died all in 3 hours.
The 3rd time gave us her son, who is my god-son. He is the most precious being on this earth aside from my own children.
My friend inspires me to be a surragate.

I hope the next 9 months goes by super fast...

Assoicaiate of General Studies

I am so frustraated with school.
Today I went and met with my advisor to get signed off for my associates of health science. But day before yesterday I looked at my Cat Tracks and it said I still needed 3 more classes. WTH? No one told me this at all and if this was the case why wasn't I told.
So now I have to forego my associates of health science and get my associates of general studies. I have worked sooo hard for the past two years, why in general studies? I should be happy and I guess I kinda am but I'm not very excited. I do feel relieved that at least I have something to show for what I've been doing for two years straight with only 10 day breaks, but yet disappointment urkes in the background.

If I get my degree in gen ed then that gives my two points for the nursing program, if I apply early and re-take anatomy I will make it into the alternate pool. HEY, AT LEAST ITS A POOL!

If you WANT Rainbows...You gotta have Rain

In a perfect world, everything would always go right. There would be no disappointments or trials, and life would be filled with only sweet, warm, and fuzzy feelings.

But how would we know if things were good if we had no comparison?
Would we recongnize the blessings in our lives without having the opposite to compasre them to?
Without the darkness, would we appreciate the light?

Seems to me if we want rainbows, we gotta have rain. The trick is to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and go out and look for puddles to play in, reconginze the temptest for what it is and train ourselves to look for the good in every situation. By overcoming our adversity, we find the joy in everything.

So go on, go play in the rain. :)