So it begins

I got the call today... The call that said "Hey Susan, It's Becky. I haven't talked to you in like a week, so I thought I'd call". lol " Hey Becky", ( in the back of mind I secretely do not have my hopes up that she is going to tell me I'm in for August)"So Susan, are you still interested in starting in August cause your next on the list"? (The alternate list) " Becky, are you kidding me"? "Susan, school starts MONDAY!!!!!" My mom was in my room, and the second I hung up the phone I had no words. My mom and I cried...and hugged...and cried more. How can such a phone change your life? How can one phone call make you dizzy, send chills through your body, make you sweat, and heart palpatations all at once? All my thoughts are overwheling... where do I begin? What do I need? So I call my girl Callie and instantly I'm calm. No worries tonight, I'll worry after orientation tomorrow. Tonight, celebration with my kids and my mom. And a Costco run...LOL

Now what?

Have you ever sat at home, and really wanted to go to do something but all your suggestions are lame? Ugh. I want to go shopping and a movie, but dang I want to just rest... UGH.. So frustrating. I have so much to do now that Dea is home, but he is only home till Saturday, and I work the rest of the week. The kids start school on the 22nd, and I have so much to do to get them ready. I wish I had just one more adult that I could turn to and shout for help. On the lighter side of things, today Callie sold me a few books and her WSU nursing student scrub top. Time is passing so slowly for January to get here but I'm just going to take it day by day. What else can I do? We just got back from our trip on the houseboat... I need something... but what?

I GOT IN!!!

Twice, I have been and Alternate for Davis Applied Technology College. The rumor is, if you get accepted as an alternate once that you will get in the next application. This didn't happen for me. I remember my son calling me at work saying my letter came in the mail, and told him to stop everything he was doing, and bring it to me. I opened right in front of him, first pacing in anticipation with my hopes as high as the clouds. Something in my gut told me to prepare though, cause it wasn't good. I opened the letter, and saw the dreaded YELLOW paper. The yellow paper is the application for Sping semester. My letter read that I had been accepted as an alternate again for the fall semester of 2012. This was a Saturday. I cried. I felt so betrayed, crushed, not good enough. I decided that I was going to get off work Monday morning, and go talk to Becky at DATC, and see why, why not me. Why am I not good enough? Monday morning I am a wreck. Sleep deprived, exhausted, and worst of all vulnurable! Becky got the brunt of my heartache. She went over my points with me, and explained I got a bad reference from my chemistry teacher. I was now lower on the list this time than I was for the class in January 2012. I was number 37, this time I was 39. My thought was I have no chance. Well, weeks passed by and I moved. I moved football fields people. I found out I was number 5. Wow That's amazing. So I powered through, got a new reference, and turned in my application one week before it was due. I sat in my car for and hour and a half debating on whether or not I wanted to put myself through this process anymore. On a Monday I got a call from Becky saying she needed some transcripts from me that were not on file. She wantedt o make sure my application was good because she was leaving soon to have a baby. I got my transcripts and gave her a call Wednesday afternoon, July 10, 2012. She asked me if I was getting ready for Spring semester, which I guess I didn't hear her say cause I was completely thrown off saying I was done with everything. Then WAIT...... did she say SPRING??? "Susan, I know the results of your application. Would you like me to tell you?" (WHAT!!! OMG. I do not want to find out over the phone I'm an alternate again but she brought it up. Letters don't go out for 3 weeks!!! EEEEK!!!!) "Becky, You know my results?" "Susan, YOU'RE IN !!!!" CRYING,CRYING,then, MORE CRYING!!! I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM STARTING JANUARY 2013.. FUTURE NURSE...THAT'S ME

Timeless

I am overwhelmed with emotion and decided I have nothing else to do so why not catch up here and and get it all out of my head. First off, Dea has been traveling for months. When he comes home it's...not that great. How can I be excited, and grateful that he's home when he will just leave again. I feel that I need to keep him entertained or he will leave sooner. I miss him so much. Today I had a complete meltdown. Told him everything. I cried and cried, then cried some more. I know he wants to be with me but when he leaves, how do I believe it. He said he'll be done traveling in August, cause of school. Why not for me? Why can't he be done for me. You may be reading what I'm writing but you have no clue what things are like. I have a friend who talks about being married and precepting for nursing. I'm not even in the program. She talkes how she never sees him. What am I going to do. What if all hell breaks loose and I loose everyone. Everyone only includes my family. I have no friends. They are all busy. And honestly I think they think I'm fine so why bother. I have a friend who is getting married in August, she is so happy. I hate being around her. Her man doesn't leave. Her only concerns are her wedding plans. I try to be positive, try not to seem like my life is a mess. But today isn't that day. I miss my husband sooo much..

Roller coaster ride

When I say roller coaster ride... I mean the last two day have been CRAZY!!

Yesterday There was a shooting right here in the town I live in. Officers were serving a warrent. Confidentality of my job, I will not say much. I will say that the officer that past away was my very good friend, Lauren, her cousin. She was in the ER all night. This officer was shot 3 times. The situation didn't really hit home till I spoke to Lauren. Lauren, my prayers are with you. I'm so sorry.

My dad worked for the Sherriff's department when I was a little girl. I have vivid memories of him getting a call, he would pack his bags, not knowing when he would return. and I would just cry. "Daddy don't leave". He tells me how I tore his heart out everytime he left. What if my dad never came home after a horrible night? What if we never had "WHAT IF'S"?

Second, ride I've been on, I applied for a job in maternity. You've read my posts. My DREAM! Well I got an interview. 28 candidates. I can't believe I'm talking about it, but I'm so excited. I only had a phone interview, 2 questions. and all about confilct. I know confict in the work place is common but why interview me about it? I called my girl Callie, Of coarse. She said it souds like I did good. We'll see. Did I mention it's in SLC. :( I had no idea. What a dumb-butt

LPN

My friend Callie took her NCLEX on Wednesday the 28th. She didn't seem very nervous. I saw her the day before. He hair hadn't been washed in a few days, but her spirit was the same as usual. EXCEPT. She did snap at me at work. I just tried to blow it off. I knew she could tell what she said bothered me, but no big deal. I will just take what she said in consideration and be different. She called me when she was done. Said it took her two hrs. (Which she never takess that long on a test) and she had 85 questions. I gave her all my positive thoughts, and told her anything I could, to bring her relief.
I saw her yesterday at work. She was quiet, cleaning the floor. we sat for a minute and chatted and she said she has been a bit snappy at her mom and BF. She hasn't heard her results on the test and it was driving her nuts. I reassured her to be positive. She is amazing. The knowledge she knows and the ability to apply what she has learned is what I hope I can do.

Late last night she txt me and said SHE PASSED.. CALLIE ANN CARTER...LPN!!!
Oh the excitment I felt for her and feel is overwheling. Being on this journey with her has been a roller-coaster ride. During school I hardly saw her. But look what has paid off. A little sacrifice from friends and from herself and dreams came true.

One day. One day, she will share my excitment with me.. I can't wait!!!

Chaos

OMG!!

Life has gotten in the middle of my thoughts. I still have them but there just isn't time to write about them.

Work at the hospital has been a challenge.TO SAY THE LEAST> Just when you think your doing great, and under the radar of your boss, she pulls you into the office and says you need to be more assertive with your patients. In my defense, I care about the health of my patients. I think that rest is important because they've been through a lot. But apparently the hospital is not where you come to rest, it's where you come to get better...So Assertive I've become.
I still work at Mountain Ridge, my home. 111 passsed away Christmas Eve, and let me tell you, next to my gramps dying, it was one of the hardest days for me. His family were so generous with letting me spend time with him. A harpest came in and played. One of the most beautiful things I have ever heard and experienced.

It's time to turn on my application for nursing AGAIN! My hopes are HIGH. Like if I don't get in I will cry for a week. I have heard so many rumors that if you make it as an alternate then you'll get in the next semester.. I HATE rumors.

I've had some issues knowing who I am and what I stand for. Let me tell ya, I am getting myself back on track. No more! My family is number 1. When I get into school things will change. I will be relying on those around me the most to care for my little ones but till then, all about them!

I will be back more often, I need to write. I feel so much better.