Timeless

I am overwhelmed with emotion and decided I have nothing else to do so why not catch up here and and get it all out of my head. First off, Dea has been traveling for months. When he comes home it's...not that great. How can I be excited, and grateful that he's home when he will just leave again. I feel that I need to keep him entertained or he will leave sooner. I miss him so much. Today I had a complete meltdown. Told him everything. I cried and cried, then cried some more. I know he wants to be with me but when he leaves, how do I believe it. He said he'll be done traveling in August, cause of school. Why not for me? Why can't he be done for me. You may be reading what I'm writing but you have no clue what things are like. I have a friend who talks about being married and precepting for nursing. I'm not even in the program. She talkes how she never sees him. What am I going to do. What if all hell breaks loose and I loose everyone. Everyone only includes my family. I have no friends. They are all busy. And honestly I think they think I'm fine so why bother. I have a friend who is getting married in August, she is so happy. I hate being around her. Her man doesn't leave. Her only concerns are her wedding plans. I try to be positive, try not to seem like my life is a mess. But today isn't that day. I miss my husband sooo much..