Breaking down

We had the hardest test today, fluid and electrolytes. It doesn't matter how much I studied cause I obviously don;t the know info after my score. Here's the thing, It's freaking embarrassing. And I truely wish people would stop posting about theire grades, I know you are bragging about how well you do but you're killing my spirit. I'm done, I'm blocking all of you that post about your damn grades. I don't care and I find it pretty rude of you. ALso I'm done with Facebook for now. I can't deal with your crap let alone my own. I just need and want to be alone. YEP...MAJOR BREAKDOWN!!!

ARGGG...

Dang it! What is my problem. This week was not so stressful. I had a test Wednesday in postpartum, and because I either studied too much or my job got in the way, I got a rather low score. Everyone kept asking me questions and I think I helped them, but I didn't help myself at all. I need someething. But what? I'm going away this weekend, good or bad, I'm not sure but I have got to chill. I need to re-group. I need to be around my peeps and feel good about myself. I need my husband to be home taking care of the kids so I can study. You have no idea how hard it is to tune out all the noises in my house. Jeff has his iphone radio on, the girls are playing, Brandon has two televisions on, and Destiney wants to talk about anything and everything. AHHHHH.... My mind is racing. Why do they have to be off school??? J/K Can someone just put a tube in me and feed me all the info I need? K thanks bye

10-4...Roger that!

Ha Ha I think I'm so funny. Today I had day 3 of clinicles. Not a bad in general. I had a good nurse but she didn't really have time to talk to me about anything. I did however administer 2 sub-Q injectons into the abdomen of two different patients. It wasn't like anything I expected. When I gave the second shot the patient stated it didn't even hurt. Yay me! I needed to write an assessment today but totally forgot half of the information I needed. Duh. Tomorrow, obtain more info for assessment. I'm tired. this week is rather crazy. Mon, Tues, Wed, school, Wed drive to Bountiful for pt assessment, go to McKay for infant massage class, then go home and spend 3 hrs writing it all up. Got to bed at 12am, woke up at 4 am for clinicals today. Tomorrow, clinicles, then work 5-9, Sat, study all day, work 5-9, Sunday, study. Mon-test, Tues-test, wed-quiz, Thurs and Fri-clinicles. Sat work-17L. Yep this is me... See you all some day soon!

Nursing School Blues

You know that girl that sits in class and she is smart,and cute, and funny, and everything just seems easy to her? Well I want desperately to be her. I feel like absolute crap after today's test. I have lost my mojo. I have lost my ability to reason, to have perspective. I've lost what I know. I feel incompetent, unworthy, jealous. I should have nailed this test today, I studied every chance I got but NOO, not me. I need a pep talk, some reassuring words from those around me that know me and know why I should be a nurse. Is anyone out there...Any one?

Clinical's

This past week I had my VERY first ever clinical expierence. I went to Lakeview Hospital in Bountiful. Not too horrible of a drive, in fact the mornig is quite peaceful. The drive home...Not so much. My first day of clinicals wasn't the best. My nurse barely spoke to me. I felt so out of place and lost. I felt like an intrusion. I felt..terrible. That was my morning. In the afternoon I got to go watch a Tunnel Dialysis Catheter Placement. Much more interesting, AND the nurses spoke to me trying to teach what and why they were doing things. One nurse asked me to "Spike the Bag", which of coarse I'm not able to do because I have no IV training, but I thought that was pretty neat.. ha ha spike the bag. I'm learning cool little lingo. Ya know, real nursing stuff. ha ha. The next day I was sent to Same Day Surgery. I went through the entire day with one patient through admitting, surgery, PACU, and discharge. No it wasn't the most exciting procedure, but for the patient having a breast biopsy it was. I kept in mind my patient and her care, weather it was a not so cool procedure or an evasive procedure, it did not matter. What mattered was my patient. Every nurse walked and talked me through each step. PACU was the most interesting for me because it was the nurse doing everything she could to get MY patient's pain to a tolorable level for her. Comfort. Care. Concern. I will be forever changed now that I am in nursing school. Who wouldn't be. But I get teary eyed because I am finally here. Yes let's not fool ourselves, it is so hard and I haven't found what works for me as far as studying goes but I'm not alone either. All I can do is my best, yes sometimes I can even improve that, but at least I'm trying.

Self doubt SUCKS!

So here we are at the end of the second week of nursing school, the second week people. I have expierenced an influx of emption. I kinda hate it. Dea left 3 days into school starting and for the most part it hasn't been too bad. Well ok besides the kids running around screaming and fighting while I'm trying to take at home test. The kids are doing their best to help me with each other and taking on more responsibility while I check out and study. But OMG, my house is sooo gross. I have to tell myself that it will probably come to the point when I will have to sacrifice a shower so I may have to sacrifice the house up keep. GROSS. I've been finishing working the weekend shifts, boy am I tired. I have worked the last two weekends friday and saturaday nights. Sunday I feel mushy and drained, no will power to study. This week is clinicals. CLINICALS. Callie has talked of clinicals for two years now I get to. Friday I had a breakdown and actually spoke the words "I can't do ths." I have never said that. If you know me or read my blog, you know I have always said that I will be a nurse! Saturday a friend of mine came to me and said she was jealous I was in. At that moment I started getting teary eyed and remember what it was like to feel that way, and say that to EVERY other person in before me. So I'm gonna suck it up. NO MORE COMPLAINING. I have been through much worse and getting through nursing will not be the thing that breaks me. Screw that!! So Attention all haters... I am not going anywhere!!

Sinking in

It's amazing how sleep helps you focus.Yesterday was such a whirl wind of a day for me.1st-orientation2nd-pay tuition and buy books (ouch)3rd- go home and try to organize4th-get called into work and drop everything!5th-get kids off to school before I even attempt to lay down6th- finally...SleepI woke up and the kids were home from school, I was so exciterd to hear all about their first day. Katie started 1st grade. Madie 3rd grade. Brandon 8th grade. Destiney 10th grade, and finally Jeff is a SENIOR. (officially)Amazingly I don't have very much paperwork to sign.. hmmI thought a lot last night,(in between all the crying babyies in the nursery, and being split between patients on both 100 and 200 side) I cried a few times to some friends with caring ears. But today I feel GREAT. I don't have to wait very long to start school. My anticipation is turning into excitment. My fear is turning into a positive attitude that I'm gonna kick butt in school. What's really given me the most peace is, I decided to work only on-call, NOT part-time. Destiney reaction to me starting school on Monday made me realize that there is NO WAY IN HELL that I can do all this and be a good MOM. I pride myself in beign a mom. Destiney said she felt I was abandoning her. My heart broke. Soo.. I'm going to sacrifice work for my kids. I just pray that what time I have spent on the floor has made a good enough impression to make a difference, and in the end I will get an RN job on my dream floor. I will continue to finish some weekend shifts until 9/15 but after that I will work one shift every other week. My hubby is the best and wants to help me to concentrate on school, and do the best I can do. Raising 5 kids and nursing school should be interesting, and I'm sure you will hear of my failures here, but I have a great support team around me. To think that DECEMBER 2013 I will be... Susan Thayn, RN. (: