Heartache

As a parent, you get the opportunity to to experience a new aspect of life, but through your kids. My journey with my 5 kids are all so different. They are all different from each other. Jeff is growing into this young man before me. It's AMAZING to watch. Next week, he actually starts college...COLLEGE, are you kidding? Where as the time gone. Ugh how I've hated people tell me through the years to be there and take nothing for granted because it goes so fast...I had no idea the cliche' would have such a moment of impact on me. Jeff got scholarships, he has a full time job, he says he's not ready to be in a relationship, he's just being Jeff. How lucky am I to be the mom of this young man! How lucky indeed. 

Now Des, 16 and every bit a 16 year old. Des started school today, a junior. A JUNIOR! This summer she experienced her first heartbreak. And honestly my heart breaks with her. You never forget you first heartbreak, your first love. As you read this I bet you are remembering your first love. But as a mom, I am feeling protective, sad and, most of all heartbroken with her. Being a mom is the most trying, tasking, rewarding, loving, and blessed role I could have. I can't imagine any of my kids not living next to me. It's my worst fear. I truly believe that my first role is to parent and I've never lost sight of that, but there are times that we have a friendship, and let me tell ya... Those are my most cherished moments! 

Recovery Day 8

Recovery has had it's ups and downs that's for sure. Dea stayed with me downstairs for three nights, which was pretty incredible of him. He set his alarm every 2 hours for me to take my pain pills. There is something wrong with my voice, it seems when I try to talk louder I can't. I have this high pitched tone come out that nobody can hear. I can't cough of coarse and when I do it's agony. My sides and back hurt where the lipo was done. I can finally  shower tomorrow, although I am nervous.  My stomach feels so weird to touch. I'm getting pretty sick of sleeping in the recliner. I've been asked if I regret having the surgery, the answer is I don't know yet but recovery is lengthy and miserable

Life update

School is finally over, and has been out for about a week. And I passed RN1. It was not anywhere near easy. I cried to me dad on the phone, sobs of tears expressing my fear of failing. But in the end I pulled thru just like everyone said I would and I raised my grade tow letter grades. What an accomplishment. I have the most amazing team of friends behind me, supporting me. Since school has been out I have not done much of anything, not even cook or clean. I have, however started reading a book. I hardly see Dea which has pretty much sucked but he has to work while he can. The boys are going hunting this year and we need all the help we can get financially. Jeff is still working his heart out. I can't believe that in a few short weeks he will be starting college. This boy makes me so proud. As do all my kids but for now this is Jeff's accomplishment. I have big news... On Thursday I am FINALLY getting a tummy tuck. I have dreamed of this day for SOOOO long. My dad helped with some of the cost, and Dea will be there every step of the way. A few people know about this life change for me, but only those that are close to me. I hate when people say I don't need it. How would they presume to know what I need. I am nervous for the pain but I will have to remind myself that I will no longer have this flab in front of me. I will document the experience and hopefully it will be awesome to go back and read. LOL. I am excited for the last semester of school to begin, the last leg of the journey is almost here...

2 Weeks left of RN1

It has been a crazy, crazy semester, and none of it has been easy. I had my clinicles at IMC and Davis Hospital. IMC was fabulous. I met some great nurses and enjoy my time there, not to mention Beth and I carpooled and that meant "girl time". Then I had to go to Davis, and honestly I was nervous. I was pretty sure that my Instructor Nancy HATED me. I accidentally asked her why she was immature on a paper we hand in weekly. In my defense, I wasn't REALLY trying to make such a statement, but ask a question pertaining to chronic drug users. But it turns out that Nancy didn't hold a grudge against me and my last day is tomorrow. ... I can't believe my last day is tomorrow for clinicals,next  adventure is a couple of Psych rotations and the PRECEPTING!!!!! Hallelujah!! You have no idea how my heart skips a beat thinking about being this close to completing nursing school. 

I have struggled this semester with my Med/Surge class. I had to miss a day for Jeff's graduation, and boy did that screw me. On that test I missed the most I've ever missed on a test and was puton academic   contract. Scared the crap out of me. I was told that the worst case scenario would be to re-do Med/Surge to include clinicles. Are you kidding me!! NO WAY! Worse was when she said I would not go on in August and I would have to re-start in January and go another 2 semesters!!!! At this point, I'm terrified. I have to get my act together and pull through. I must have talked to Marijo 4 times on the phone and we drove to Lava to study with Camille. Turned out to be one of the best weekends ever, I took my test last Monday and freakin nailed it, 90! BOO YAH! Then today we had another test... 99! WHAT!!! Best feeling ever. 

The next hurdle is Monday, the last Med/Surge test of the semester and I want to go into the final with a passing grade. I deserve this. I want this more that anyone else! And I can't imagine gong through nursing school without my class. 

Now on to life update, Jeff got a job working at Mountain Ridge, they love him. He is reliable and willing to help and learn. Des is at her dad's for 3 weeks, which I think is good cause we both needed a break. She's trying to exercise her independence while I'm still trying to hold on, normal stuff. Dea got a second job. And I am scheduled to get an abdominoplasty (i.e. Tummy Tuck) August 8th. Pretty dang excited for that. Things are getting better. I feel good too. It's nice for a change to be happy. :)

Nursing school blues

The last 10 months have been such a journey. Up's and down's the the extreme of insanity. Last week was a down, bombed a test, 2 IV's infiltrated, Dea was disappointed with his birthday, no going to Wendover with Beth, fight with Dea, anxious, irritated, and drowning. Did I mention sleep deprived.. Cause yes that's one too! I just am ready to be done. I'm ready to feel and be a confident woman again, not who I am now. I don't want to be her anymore. My in-laws are staying with us and I can't visit with them until Wednesday night cause that's when I'll have a couple of hours to spare, but then I think maybe I don't cause on Thursday I have to work a 12 hour shift and will LOOSE 12 hours to study for this HUGE cardiac test on Monday, that quite frankly I CANNOT afford to fail. Yes this is my thoughts, they suck!. On a positive note Emma Faye was born on friday, she looks like her sissy. Chloe is going to be the best big sister ever. I can't wait till I get to have the time to visit... and cuddle that sweet baby. I haven't loaded my blog with any crap about false impressions of nursing school, for me this is how it is, but at the end of the day I am still so very thankful to be here, and to be able to call myself a nurse. I am an LPN, I've made it this far. With the support and encouragement of some amazing friends and the patience of my family, I will make it.

Susan Thayn, LPN

I took my boards on Wednesday, May 1 at 0800. I figured I better take it as soon as possible so I didn't get too much anxiety over the situation. There were three other girls with me from my class. Which was actually a surprise. Not that I didn't want them there but that I thought all of out times to take the test would be different. Anyways, it is a procedure when you first get in, fingerprint, two pages of what you can't do, picture, phone in a bag, stuff in a locker, Whew, I mean if I wasn't anxious before now I am! Let me tell you, you can't even wear your own watch! So I finally get in there and I'm sat at the perfect spot, ear plugs in and I'm ready... Oop wait, no you have a tutorial first. WHAT, C'mon! OKAY tutorial done, here we go, I got to number 84 and prayed "Please let this misery be over on this next question"... Boom I answered number 85 and pow... It shut off...... OH CRAP.......... COME BACK!!!! Next is waiting for 48 hours. There is nothing that can compare to the wait of whether or not your dreams are about to come true. NOTHING! At 11:20 pm, May 2, I tried again and.............Susan Thayn, LPN. My dreams came true. I have worked so hard for this and can't stop crying. I woke up everyone in my house to tell them. I feel so incredibly blessed.

LPN Test

Yep, I took the dreaded LPN test today. It was awful. Camille, Parker, and Kierstin were there as well. The process was interesting, no watch allowed, they would give you ear plugs, store your belongings in a locker, no allowed to write on the white board till after you finish the tutorial otherwise your test is over for "Brain Dumping", You have to raise you hand when you are done, break after 2 hours and you have 5 hours to take the test. You can have a minimum of 85 questions or a maximum of 205. My test was very hard. I heard so many people say how easy it was the nothing about that test was easy. I think I had 40% of it a select all that apply. Camille felt the same way. On top of it, I was the first one done. if you have ever been in a test center with me you know I never finish first so that has me freaked out even more. I haven't really told anybody. I don't want to have to tell too many people that I did't pass if in fact I don't pass. Now that waiting game is more excruciating than worry about taking the damn thing. I took over 900 questions on the UPrep trying to prepare, did it work, who knows, but on Friday I should know for sure if I am a nurse or not. The best thing about my day is Dea was next to me all day. Well minus when he went golfing with Destiney :-/. But I was glad to just be with him this morning. I will let you know when I know.... EEEKKKK