Susan Thayn, LPN

I took my boards on Wednesday, May 1 at 0800. I figured I better take it as soon as possible so I didn't get too much anxiety over the situation. There were three other girls with me from my class. Which was actually a surprise. Not that I didn't want them there but that I thought all of out times to take the test would be different. Anyways, it is a procedure when you first get in, fingerprint, two pages of what you can't do, picture, phone in a bag, stuff in a locker, Whew, I mean if I wasn't anxious before now I am! Let me tell you, you can't even wear your own watch! So I finally get in there and I'm sat at the perfect spot, ear plugs in and I'm ready... Oop wait, no you have a tutorial first. WHAT, C'mon! OKAY tutorial done, here we go, I got to number 84 and prayed "Please let this misery be over on this next question"... Boom I answered number 85 and pow... It shut off...... OH CRAP.......... COME BACK!!!! Next is waiting for 48 hours. There is nothing that can compare to the wait of whether or not your dreams are about to come true. NOTHING! At 11:20 pm, May 2, I tried again and.............Susan Thayn, LPN. My dreams came true. I have worked so hard for this and can't stop crying. I woke up everyone in my house to tell them. I feel so incredibly blessed.

LPN Test

Yep, I took the dreaded LPN test today. It was awful. Camille, Parker, and Kierstin were there as well. The process was interesting, no watch allowed, they would give you ear plugs, store your belongings in a locker, no allowed to write on the white board till after you finish the tutorial otherwise your test is over for "Brain Dumping", You have to raise you hand when you are done, break after 2 hours and you have 5 hours to take the test. You can have a minimum of 85 questions or a maximum of 205. My test was very hard. I heard so many people say how easy it was the nothing about that test was easy. I think I had 40% of it a select all that apply. Camille felt the same way. On top of it, I was the first one done. if you have ever been in a test center with me you know I never finish first so that has me freaked out even more. I haven't really told anybody. I don't want to have to tell too many people that I did't pass if in fact I don't pass. Now that waiting game is more excruciating than worry about taking the damn thing. I took over 900 questions on the UPrep trying to prepare, did it work, who knows, but on Friday I should know for sure if I am a nurse or not. The best thing about my day is Dea was next to me all day. Well minus when he went golfing with Destiney :-/. But I was glad to just be with him this morning. I will let you know when I know.... EEEKKKK

Graduation

The day of graduation was crazy. First and foremost we had to take the Pharm final. Can you imagine studying for a pharm test? Yea me either. All you can do is hope you pass. After we were done, some of us girls went to get a pedicure just to waste time. We were trying o desperately to relax but it was difficult to say the least. All we could fret over was what we got. Finally we got our grades, we knew we did well and we all jetted the heck out of school. UGH the last day wasn't very relaxing. I did treat myself and got my hair and make up done, Then went back home and hung out. I had the best surprise of my in-laws coming. This was huge for me to have my mother-in-law there. We get to the school and everyone looks fantastic. The graduation was an hour long. Carolyn was our speaker with Seriann and Alecia taking part in the entertainment. Lots of pictures were taken and the crowd was full of supporting friends and family. Callie pinned me, which as you know was such an honor for me. I can't describe that feeling but know it was amazing to have her there..To anyone out there reading my boring blog... I can't wait for the next part of this chapter to begin.. RN year baby, bring it on!!

Out of the shadows!

TOMORROW! TOMORROW is finally LPN graduation. I have feelings of utter aw. It's indescribable how I'm feeling. I am no sad that it's over, and anyone who has been through nursing school knows what I mean, but I am so proud of myself for how far I have come. My parents, in-laws, Kids, Hubby, and friends will be here to celebrate with me. At the best gift of all is, I asked Calle to Pin me. I was so nervous when I asked her. I thought she would think it's corny or that she'd make up an excuse that she was busy. But when I asked, she accepted without hesitation. I feel so honored to have her pin me, so incredibly honored! And thankful! Okay now on to even better news....... I was offered a job today as an LPN!!!!! Holy Moly!!! I never thought I would even work as an LPN getting to use this knowledge that I've gained but I got a very special call today. Guess what friends.... I did it. And thanks for letting me vent all my frustration here. I know the journey isn't over and I'll cry more But in 24 HRS we are done with the LPN year!!!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Don't get too excited...

I can't believe I have 6 more days of school of my PN year. There are feelings coming up inside of me that.. well are a bit surprising. I honestly feel as it gets closer that I might sabotage the whole thing and fail. I am nervous about actually doing REAL nursing stuff. It's so hard to put into words but all I know is this sinking feeling inside kinda sucks. Everybody at school has already changed there status to reflect RN students studying at Weber University, but me... I'm just not there. I still need to focus on getting through the next two weeks. The RN semester is crazy expensive and really wanted to not take out a loan, I already so much money and I just have other things I want to be able to purchase after I graduate, like a house. I have a few more days of studying left, so I better make this short cause today is one of em!

I Quit

For the past 18 years I have chased the dream of being a nurse. Like literally chased it. I have never said or though for a moment that I wouldn't be a nurse one day. I was so picky about the school I wanted to attend, I wanted to go to the best school. So now I'm here as you all know, and on Wednesday was the day I actually thought about quitting. I didn't do well on another test, and no matter what I do to study, I just can't seem to get above 80. 80 is all I need. I missed most of the lecture on wednesday on diabetes, and I cried to two of my teachers. I know having this breakdown is normal, but I have never felt like quitting and it kind of scared me. Nursing school sucks! I just want to be done. I want to be working on the floor and helping people. "Hello Mrs. da da da, My name is Susan, and I am your nurse!" What if I screw that up? On a side note, Destiney has a boyfriend. His name is Kaige. He's a pretty good kid, but I'm missing my own kid. I want her to hang with me but she has other things on her mind. Another thing, we're moving. The house we live in is pretty expensive, and only has four bedrooms. We found a house that has 6 bedrooms and is cheaper. It has a white picked fence too. :) I hate moving. I hate packing and I hate unpacking. My dad still isn't talking to me. I called him on his birthday, 4 times. He called me back only to say he would call me saturday. He called saturday but it was to Dea. He never called me. He hasn't spoken to me once this semester. My pinning ceremony is next month and don't see him coming.

Breaking Point

Nothing about what I have going is easy. School is harder than ever and the incompetency I feel about myself is over powering. I struggle to fins time to study, balance home, life, occasionally work, and friendships are non existent. My extended family is not around to support me at all, my extended family I mean, dad, in laws, and brothers. All I have are my kids are my friends who push me through saying I can do this. Some of my friends are nurses who work with me and know my capabilities. My other friends I don't feel have a clue!! My dad's birthday was yesterday, I was going over and over in my mind whether or not to call him because of all the drama and the fact that he hasn't given a rats ass how I'm doing in school. But I called him... 4 times, no answer. But you know who he did answer Dea, and he responded to posts online. One Post was to my Aunt, MY AUNT who DISOWNED me!!!!!!! I cried and cried last night. Taking a few pills crossed my mind. After everything I've been through, I blame myself for my own abuse. Cause if I wasn't abused, the people that I care for most wouldn't blame me either. So I might as well get on the band wagon. I'm so sad, and sad and empty. I have no spark today. He took it all. He's killing me with this slow agonizing death and can't even imagine how much pain and suffering I'm in. My dad is my life... yet OMG I just realized this is the most selfish post ever, and freakin depressing. GOD I hate feeling like this. SCREW you. I'm not gonna let you get me down and take away my sparkle!!!! hahahahaha bachelor reference... I came from nothing, I have felt like a whore when I was 12 years old, was on welfare with 2 kids, but I got myself off. I lived in one bedroom apartment with no heating accept for my oven, and no air-conditioning when it was 110 outside. I got a better job, I got myself off welfare. I found a great guy who is a great dad and husband. I am going through school and have the best job in the world. I did this with perseverance and strength and courage, and determination!!!! You can't say you have a clue until you have walked a mile in my shoes>> AND GO AHEAD I DARE YOU>... You won't make it through like I have!!!!!!!